I Can't Go Back Again
by Moonchild10
Summary: A poem from Johnny's POV. Rated for more Johnnyness. The sequel to And I Love This.


I don't own Johnny or anybody else. Booya, coconut! This is the sequel to 'And I Love This'.  
  
I'm up again, I hear that sound. Laughter ringing all around. They laugh and laugh. It brings them tears Tears of joy To laugh for years.  
  
To laugh about the pain I've had. The times I've hurt. Times so bad. Admiring all their retched work. They made me this way, I'm such a jerk.  
  
I make the pain So I don't hear their lies. So I don't see their pitying eyes. And the eyes of those who don't care. The eyes of those who rudely stare.  
  
But I have ways to leave my mark, On this earth , To pull me out of their dark. A knife, a gun, a tangle of rope, Tight around an evil throat.  
  
I hear them gag, I hear them wheeze. Sounding like a final sneeze. I hear the shot, Loud and clear. Their time of death is drawing near.  
  
A time of love, A time of hate. A time where I feel strong and great. Then it's torn away, Like it's fate. And I must search again.  
  
A little care, A little smile. A little kindness, For a little while. And then she breaks my fading heart. But it was me, Who tried to tear her apart. (literally)  
  
And I can't go back again.  
  
Here I wait, In the dark. Like a tiger, Who needs to start. The blood, the gore, The pain. Some more. But I can't go back again.  
  
A faithful stir, Like every day. My daytime life Is here to play. A time of joy, Oh sure, Yeah right. Like it's all that better than the night.  
  
Oh I can't go back again.  
  
I hear the blood Hit the ground. The only cheery, uplifting sound. I hear them scream, and plead for their lives. But I only lift One of my knives.  
  
And then I can't go back again.  
  
They die. The knives Rip their throats. They bleat and cry And baa like goats. (heh heh)  
  
So I can't go back again.  
  
A bullet Shoots Through tender skin. I hear their teeming life give in.  
  
Then I can't go back again.  
  
The blood, it pours. It falls like rain. Their warm bodies start to drain. They no longer feel the horrid pain.  
  
Because I can't go back again.  
  
The sweat, the fear, The frightened screams. Oh so constant that it seems. Like I only know how to break dreams. But I'm really building my own.  
  
And I can't go back again.  
  
A rigid stance, they stare at me. Making me want, No, Making me need. To kill and end their mean dark greed.  
  
Then I can't go back again.  
  
I slash and cut and harm and kill. I make the eerie crimson blood spill. To feed the wall, So it won't start To break me Like they did to my heart.  
  
I can't go back again.  
  
A tear, it falls, upon the ground. A strange and frightening wailing sound. Comes from inside my head. Every night, Before I hit the bed.  
  
I won't go back again  
  
Feeling lost, Feeling used. Feeling like my heart's been bruised. Feeling pain, feeling sore. Feeling so utterly Ignored.  
  
I can't go back again. No, not again.  
  
The dark it swallows my beating heart. My mind just wants To spilt Apart.  
  
I CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN!  
  
I remember a time, something new. Someone who made me feel like happiness could be true. But then it was all torn away. A little more pain on another day.  
  
I simply can't go back again.  
  
All the darkness, All my pain. All the stormy winter rain. All the faces who turned me down. Feeling hard to be around.  
  
BUT I can't go back again.  
  
I'll never go back again.  
  
Never.  
  
Can't go back again.  
  
I feel the tears, Are those MY eyes? I feel so hurt, I'm quite surprised. Thought I was too numb with death To make another heartbroken breath.  
  
Maybe I should end my life. There's a gun, There's my favorite knife. I could make it all go away. Not have to suffer another day.  
  
But I feel there's more to learn. Is there something more for which I yearn? If I were to die, would the world still spin?  
  
I know I can't go back again.  
  
I lay down after another day. The pain still hasn't gone away. But I feel there's more to hold. More to feel Make me feel less cold. Make me want to stay alive. A new reason to survive.  
  
I know I can't go back again.  
  
Sometimes I want to go back again.  
  
I open my eyes, It's still so dark. Why did I wake, what's there for my heart? I begin to think of something new. Is there more a guy can do To mend a broken, Wasted life. To live without the pain and strife.  
  
I can't go back again.  
  
I close my eyes, begin to dream. It seems so weird, that's how it seems. I escape into a different place? Soft warm light falls on my face.  
  
Did I go back again?  
  
No, I can't go back again.  
  
I start to see, there's something more. Something that I can have to adore. I escape in dreamy bliss. I feel the gentle sunlight's kiss.  
  
I didn't go back again.  
  
But I can sleep, and I can dream. And I can have, A new soft white light sunbeam. Like angel's wings across my face. Did I go back, no it's the same old place.  
  
I can't go back again.  
  
But now I know there's something more. Something that I let in my door. A new belief, a new escape. A new way to make myself great. I fall asleep, I dream my dream. And it all disappears, or so it seems.  
  
I can't go back again.  
  
Well it's OK, when I can get away. Not hear what the losers say. I can stay in dreaming state. Until the screams make me awake.  
  
I smile and go and get my knife. To take away another life. Of a cheerleader I found on the street. This is my life, I'm in so deep.  
  
I know I can't go back again,  
  
And sometimes I glad to know it's my life I'm in.  
  
I can never go back again, and I don't care sometimes.  
  
~Moonchild 


End file.
